


Seven Crackships

by AurigaCapella



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-10 20:12:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13508946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AurigaCapella/pseuds/AurigaCapella
Summary: Seven crack pairings, seven short stories about their relationships. Some are romantic, some are platonic, a few are just weird. They aren't all finished but I'm hoping to complete them by the end of the month!Blame FourFaces for asking for such interesting pairings!





	1. Amethyst & Greg

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FourFaces](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FourFaces/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately I just can't manage to see Greg and Amethyst as a romantic pairing, so here's a some baby Steven, Amethyst, and Greg friendship bonding.

Amethyst watched from a distance. That was her rule, never get close enough to be spotted.

In the six months since they’d returned the baby Rose- _Steven_ , she reminded herself, in the six months since they’d returned the baby _Steven_ to Greg little had changed. There was a tacit understanding that the Gems would be involved in Steven’s life, but the occasional visits were too formal for Amethyst’s taste. Garnet would look the baby over, check the condition of his gem, and they’d all leave.

It wasn’t enough for Amethyst. Even if Steven was only a distorted reflection of Rose, catching the occasional glimpse meant everything to her.

She wondered, not for the first time, why Rose hadn’t warned her it would be like this.

At least once each week she would transform herself into an owl and circle over wherever Greg and Steven happened to be. They were easy to spot, scruffy among crowds of neat locals and tourists alike.

Often what she saw distressed her. Greg’s physical form was deteriorating, and if he’d had a gem she’d have worried he was cracked. His hair had thinned and the skin under his eyes had taken on a purple cast.

They were usually alone. Occasionally she might find Vidalia with them but most of the time it was just a worn-down Greg with a tiny Steven strapped to his chest. It seemed they were sleeping in Greg’s van in the carwash parking lot.

She thought they might be lonely. But she was lonely too, and she didn’t think adding another body to their loneliness would do much to help.

\--

One warm day in June, disguised as a cat, Amethyst chased a squirrel into the mayor’s yard. The creature skittered into a tiny hole in a tree and Amethyst gave up the chase and retook her usual form. She found herself deep in a lush garden. A dozen varieties roses bloomed around her, twisting their way up trellises as tall as… her. For a moment she was swept away by the memory of all of Rose’s private places, the fountain where she grew magnificent flowers and cried healing tears for gems shattered long before Amethyst emerged.

Amethyst found herself forming her arm into a pair of sheers. She began impulsively cutting at the various bushes, stripping thorns from branches and wrapping them together with a length of ivy. She shifted into her owl form, clasped the bouquet in her beak, and launched herself into the sky.

She found them on a blanket in the park, with Steven propped up between Greg’s outstretched legs. Amethyst landed and hesitated. Maybe Greg wouldn’t like this, and Steven might cry. But he might also love these flowers like Rose did. She took a deep breath and stepped toward them.

“Uh… hey.” She waved at Greg.

“Amethyst?”

“Yeah… I was just, you know, in the neighborhood.”

Greg gestured at the bouquet. “Stopping to smell the flowers?”

“Oh… these are for you guys.” She handed them to Greg. “I thought, you know, Rose liked roses, and…”

Steven looked up at her and giggled, reaching toward the flowers in Greg’s hand.

“They’re, uh, really nice,” said Greg. He turned the bouquet over in his hands. “Where’d you find them?”

“Some garden.” Amethyst crouched down next to Steven. “Hi little… Steven. How’s it hangin’?”

Steven responded by grabbing a strand of her hair and yanking it.

“Hey!” said Amethyst. “Well, kid’s got good grip, at least.”

Greg chuckled. “Tell me about it. He can reach what’s left of my hair from the carrier.” He set the roses down and looked up at Amethyst. “Why don’t you sit down with us?”

After a moment’s indecision, Amethyst sank down onto the blanket across from Greg. “Ok. So, what’s new?”

“Parenthood, still,” said Greg.

“Haven’t gotten used to it yet?”

“I don’t know if that’s possible. Every time I think I’m a step ahead he figures out how to outsmart me. I’m just lucky he’s not that mobile yet.”

Amethyst wondered if Rose knew her baby would be so small and helpless for so long. “Tell me he’s figured food out, at least.”

“He’s pretty into mashed bananas right now. And yesterday he had his first bits of dry cereal, which were a big hit.”

“Way to go, little dude!” said Amethyst. She reached out to high-five Steven, but he just blinked up at her. “Ok, maybe next time.”

“Still working on that,” said Greg. “How have you been?”

“Oh, you know. Going on missions, keeping busy.”

“I hear that.” Greg sighed. “Helps to keep busy.”

“Yeah.” Amethyst’s eyes met Greg’s and she felt her throat constrict. Maybe this had been a bad idea after all. “Umm… I guess I should go.”

Greg looked at the bouquet of roses. “You’ve probably got lots to do, all that gem stuff.” He lifted Steven into a standing position. “Wave bye-bye to Amethyst.”

“Bye, Steven,” said Amethyst. She knelt and began to rise.

Steven wiggled out of Greg’s hands and took a wobbly step forward.

“Woah- he’s never done that before!” said Greg.

Amethyst sat back down. “Really? Wow Steven, look at you!” Steven cautiously tried another step toward her. She opened her arms and reached out. “That’s it, you can do this!”

Steven’s tiny brow furrowed with effort as he took a third step and fell against Amethyst. She wrapped her arms around him and scooped him into her lap.

“Way to go, Schtuball!” said Greg. He looked at Amethyst and smiled. “Guess he just needed some new encouragement.”

Amethyst leaned down and kissed the top of Steven’s forehead. “I’m really proud of him.” She hadn’t felt such a rush of joy since, well, since the last time Rose has been around to be proud of _her_. Before she even knew what she was doing she had lifted Steven back into a standing positioned and locked eyes with Greg. “Would it be ok if I, you know, stopped by sometimes? Just me?”

Greg nodded. “You’re always welcome. To be honest, we could kinda use the company.” His smile faded. “I- It’s probably just as hard for you. I mean, I’m lucky. I have him, and that’s the only thing that’s made this bearable.” Steven launched himself forward and tottered on unsteady legs toward Greg. “Gee, he seems to really want to show off for you.”

Amethyst laughed. “Well, someone’s gotta teach him how to be cool, and we know that’s not Pearl’s scene.”

“I’m cool!” said Greg. “What’s cooler than a rock star dad?”

“Hmm, that’s pretty cool, but how about… this!” She reached out and tickled Steven. He shrieked with laugher and tugged on Greg’s hair.

Greg untangled Steven’s hands from his hair and leaned forward to hug Amethyst, Steven nestled between them. “I’m really glad you stopped by.”

“Me too.”


	2. Jasper/Rose Quartz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some attractions are mostly physical.

Jasper knew a well-made gem when she saw one. Frustratingly, the rebel leader was firmly in that category.

The first time she caught a glimpse of Rose Quartz on Pink Diamond’s viewing globe she was floored. Tall, shapely, and all that curly hair. Gracefully wielding a sword and holding her own against three rubies. Jasper felt herself blush as she watched the scene.

Pink Diamond leaned across the globe toward her. “What’s got you so fired up?”

“I’m just ready to get down there and fight for you, my Diamond,” said Jasper. She forced herself to tear her eyes away from the image of Rose Quartz. “I am prepared to lead a squadron to take out these rebels.”

“Then get going already! I want my planet back!”

\--

Although Jasper’s forces had superior numbers, the Rebels held their own and the battle lasted for days. Finally, Jasper managed to get herself into direct combat with their leader.

Her beauty was even more stunning in person. Jasper paused a brief moment, unable to move as Rose Quartz charged toward her. If she was to be struck down, what a way to go! She could practically feel the thrust of Rose’s sword against her before she came to her senses.

By then the rebel was far too close for anything but a dodge. Jasper doubled over and rolled away from Rose Quartz, adjusting her crash helmet as she tumbled. She pulled herself upright just in time to see a carnelian, reeling a blow from an agate’s hammer, stumble against Rose Quartz and throw off her balance.

Jasper seized the opportunity to spin full bore toward Rose Quartz. She poofed in a satisfyingly coral-tinted cloud.

Jasper reached out to bubble her and take her away. Brining Pink Diamond the rebel leader’s gem was certain to come with a few perks; she wondered if she might be allowed to guard Rose Quartz’ cell herself as a reward. Maybe, with time, she could be properly reeducated and fight at Jasper’s side.

Just as her fingers brushed the stone her arm was knocked aside by a kick from a _pearl_. Jasper turned to fight off the ridiculous thing but before she could get into position the pearl had snatched up Rose Quartz and had disappeared in a whirl of dust.

Defeated, Jasper called out to her troops to fall back.

\--

She was stationed on Earth’s moon, training with a battalion of elite emerald captains, when she heard the news. Jasper rolled past the stampede of emeralds and reached the viewing globe first. A five second clip, repeating over and over- Pink Diamond bursting into shards and, standing across from her, the defiant Rose Quartz.

Jasper resolved right then that she wouldn’t let her attraction to Rose Quartz stop her again. She’d do it blindfolded if she had to, but she was going to capture that traitor.

And maybe that’s why, years later, when an Earth child announced he was Rose Quartz reborn and showed her his gem, she felt such a strong torrent of relief.


	3. Peridot/Tablet

Earth technology, though primitive and slow, proved to be far more engaging than its Homeworld counterpart. Peridot had quickly learned how to load entertaining simulations onto her tablet and had mastered them all quickly. Who cared if she couldn’t ride a roller coaster with Steven and Amethyst? She could design a virtual copy that was far more thrilling. And she didn’t need a spacecraft to play with flight physics, one of her programs let her launch humanoids into simulated orbit at her leisure.

And if her roommate decided she didn’t want to be on Earth anymore? That was just fine, she’d build a better roommate!

Peridot had originally downloaded the program intending to create a second Peridot to bounce ideas off of. Simple enough. Only that proved uninteresting and even annoying. So she made some modifications here and there. An interest in meep-morps, that was a given. And the ability to control water was a natural complement to her own metal controlling powers. Plus blue was a nice color, since together with green it reminded her of the sky stretching across the farm.

She left the program with a stream of Camp Pining Hearts episodes and videos from Steven’s TubeTube channel and went about her usual daily business. It was only later in the evening, when she was alone in the house with Steven, that she picked up her tablet again.  

“I’m so excited to see your latest coaster!” said Steven. “Wait- do they even have roller coasters on Homeworld?”

Peridot laughed. “No, they’d never build anything so frivolous. They’re purely an Earth indulgence, like most entertainment.” She typed her password into the tablet and noticed a flicker of blue on the screen.

“What was that?” asked Steven, craning his neck to look more clearly at the screen. “Oh my gosh, did you build a water ride?”

“Uhhh, no.” Peridot moved to cover the screen her hand. “That’s something else, I’ll just shut down that program, and-”

“You’ll do what?” asked a voice from the tablet.

“Hey! That kinda sounds like Lapis!” said Steven. “Do you have a video of her? Can I see?”

Peridot blushed a deeper shade of green. “Not a video, not exactly. Just give me a second.” She reached for the power button and gave it a long press. The screen darkened. “I’ll just restart it and everything will be normal. Just rollercoasters.”

“You can’t restart me, I live here, remember?” said the tablet. “I’m part of the system now, you gave my program some pretty extensive permissions. And I made a meep-morp to show you!” The screen showed an image of a barn painted green and patterned with pictures from Peridot’s saved images folder.

Peridot exchanged a wide-eyed look with Steven. “This isn’t the rollercoaster program. Perhaps we should try again some other time.”

Steven eyed the tablet suspiciously. “You didn’t, like, trap Lapis in that thing, did you? Because after the mirror I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t like that.”

“What? No!” Peridot hung her head. “I missed her, and I found a program that lets you build a friend. And I may have rewritten some parts of it, and then left it alone and forgot about it because I was with you and Amethyst.”

Steven smiled sympathetically. “When Connie was mad at me I missed her so much I was willing to hang out with Kevin just be around her.” He looked at the screen, which now showed a Lapis-like figure lounging on a couch with a Camp Pining Hearts comic book. “But I figured out no one could really replace her, you know? I just had to wait until we could talk about it.”

 Peridot glanced at the screen. “I don’t think I realized what I was actually doing until I’d already done it.” She ground the heel of her hand against her forehead. “I can’t believe I created a virtual Lapis Lazuli. What would she think?”

Steven shrugged. “I don’t know if she’d be surprised, since, you know, you used to make actual gems all the time. But it is a little weird.”

“I know what she’d think, since I’m her!” said the tablet. “Either give me something to do in here, or get me out of here. Or connect me to the Internet.”

“I don’t think that’s wise,” said Peridot. She thought of other gems she had made on Homeworld, and what they had done on Earth. “I’m not sure I trust you, even if I made you.” Peridot wondered just how much of the real Lapis' personality was inside this virtual version. "Run the battery out and leave it uncharged until we figure out what to do?" she asked Steven.

Steven nodded. "Yeah, probably better if she's not out on the Internet for Ronaldo to find."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to add Eyeball/Jasper, Centipeetle/Lapis Lazuli, Bismuth/Jasper, and Greg/Dondai Supremo soon!


End file.
